Im not...

Geeze,
Everyday that Ben is away is just getting harder. The days seem to be getting easier but come 4.30pm when I have to start doing tea, baths and stories and homework, plus pee and feeds and poos... its exhausting, frustrating and probably the most alone I have ever felt in my whole life. There I said it.. so for everyone who thought I was super woman.. there you go. Im not. I struggle everyday Bens away and I think out of everyone I support only 3 really ask me how I am going and if Im ok. Pretty weak when I try my hardest to help other people. Better still I try to keep in contact with other people, see for me, Friends are for life not for the time being or til we move towns. For life. I make friends because I see I have something in common and I care about them otherwise why would I bother. This whole experience for me is showing me who my friends are and who are just plain old fake. Its becoming fairly obvious.
Im just in a shit mood and over this so bad. I shouldnt even be doing this because Im in a bad frame of mind.
Im pissed some kids are still throwing shit at my kids when they get of the school bus, so mummy is taking a trip to the bus stop tomorrow afternoon........
I have and will bring my kids up to respect themselves and everyone else around them and its so frustrating when other people dont because its my kids that cop it. I know not all kids are perfect and mine have their moments but they dont intentionally hurt people.
I keep living in the past, wish I could take the last year back and do it over. I have never had to go through anything so hard in my life before and sometimes hearing Im superwoman makes it worse because then I feel like a failure. I just do what I have too to get through the day.
Im trying so hard to finish my nursing. Its such a long slow battle. I dont think I will ever get there and Ill be disapointed if I don't. I just keep plodding along. I know eventually our life will turn out wicked good I just wish it wasnt so hard getting there.
I have everything crossed that by nov we are out of here. Somewhere together as a family.
Okay... Im over my tantrum. I better go get Rori who went to sleep at half 6 only to wake up now so I wont be getting a early night....... great.
xx